Time, time, time, see what's become of me.

 You know when you get a subliminal soundtrack to your life playing in your head?  You have no idea how they got in your head - I haven't been listening to Paul Simon or the Bangles lately (they both sang that song) - but there they are.  Stuck on repeat. repeat. repeat.  So lets take stock...

1.  I was just informed I have kidney stones. 

 Two, actually - one is big, the other one is bigger.  And I quote "Yeah, big - you'll never be able to pass them.  You'll need to se a specialist.  Of course, if you start having any sharp pain, you need to go to the ER."  I did a bit of reading online about it and learned that kidney stones are more common in men.  Men in their late 40's - 70's.  Excellent. 

2.  I had my teeth cleaned today and now I can't chew.

The hygienist asked me how long its been since I had my last cleaning.  I just brushed before I came, doesn't that count?  Apparently not.  She was trying to jog my memory - "One year?  Two years?  How old were your kids?  Did you have kids?"  No clue.  My 30 minute appointment was an hour, and lets just say the trailer for that movie "There Will Be Blood" kept flashing in my head.  She used power tools I didn't know were appropriate for medical use.  I believe she actually had to mop her brow.  When did they stop offering bubble gum flavored tooth cleaner? I was flossed and polished to within an inch of my life.  I now feel like I have a mouth full of chicklets.  Soft, sore, extremely smooth, chicklets.  I never looked better.

3.  I can say "I'm old enough to be your mother".

And not finish the thought with "if I was a child bride from Utah".

4.  I'm wondering if I'd look distinguished with my natural hair color.

I haven't had the time or energy to color my hair quite a while, so I have fairly long roots showing.  What to do.  I'm curious to see what it "really" looks like, but am worried I'm just going through a phase.  If I let my hair grow out, what will I do next?  Berkenstocks and body hair?  Breast feeding my children until they're old enough to date?  Am I getting sucked into this country thing?  Maybe all the trees up here created so much oxygen it makes you feel light-headed and clouds your judgement.  Mother Earth, help me.

I could go on with this list, but I'm getting tired and my eyes are getting puffy, so I better go.  I think tomorrow I'll dig out my Flashdance soundtrack and listen to "Man-Eater" over and over again.  Maybe I'll get myself inspired - shave my legs or something.   Maybe shower.