#1

S.M.O.T.Y = SH**** (rhymes with smitty) Mother of the Year,  a title I actually stole from my older sister.  She bestowed the title on herself when her then-toddler pulled a Christmas stocking holder off the mantle and ended up with stitches above his eye.  My sisters and I crown ourselves with the title whenever we perform under-whelmingly in the child-rearing portion of the "Motherhood Pagent".