Because I said so

Words I never thought I day to my kids.  Not that I'm one of those parents who try earnestly to answer every question that passes through their little angels lips. "That is a good question sweety,  mommy isn't sure of the answer but how about we go look it up right now?  I'm sure someone can explain why a 7 year old isn't legally allowed to go into a bar, and you're right, it doesn't seem fair, does it?"  

Don't get me wrong, I've been known to give a kid a Carol and Mike Brady answer when there is another mom or a teacher within earshot, - but you know I'm not the only one.  I do try and answer ones I can, and the ones I know they really want to know the answer to, (I'm not always smoty) but some days its just exhausting.  "But what if?....Why?...How come?...How do you know?...How do they know?...", but until very recently, I never pulled the BECAUSE card.  I'll admit, it didn't come out of my mouth easily - it had a bit of a guilty taste to it - but, wow.  The guilt was quickly replaced with a bit of a power rush.  The kids didn't know quite what to do with "just because".  The conversation went something like this: "Mom, mom? mom.  I'm gonna leave the (LARGEST BEATLE I HAVE EVER SEEN OUTSIDE A ZOO) bug on the counter and can you look up online to see what they eat?  Do you know what they eat?  I'm gonna get some leaves because they probably eat leaves and stuff, right?  Maybe other bugs though?  Should I try and find, like, smaller bugs?  Or maybe they're poisonous though.  How do you know if its poisonous?".  

(This run-in sentence was spoken by my 9 year old as he comes rushing in the back door (which is left open) in his muddy and wet (AND BRAND NEW) sneakers, followed by his two younger brothers, (also muddy and wet) all looking very serious and all having that air about them of slightly-cocky-we-know-what-we're-doing-and-its-very-serious-and-important-and-really-mom-you-wouldn't-know-about-such-serious-things-things-like-the-care-and-feeding-of-a-giant-bug-that-we-have-personally-discovered-and-will-probably-be-on-tv-or-in-the-paper-talking-out-and-we-will-of-course-be-taking-this-into-school-to-show-everyone-our-most-awsomess-discovery. )

" And, by the way, we named him Bob."

To which I responded, in a similar run-on sentence: "STOP! Do NOT leave that jar on the counter! And where is the LID for that jar?!?  OUT!  OUT! TAKE IT OUTSIDE, put a lid on it, THEN talk to me.  And DON'T come back in here with those shoes on!"

Which, or course, lead to much heavy sighing and "but moooooommmm!"-ing, and looks that said "you have got to kidding, don't you know what we're doing? I can't BELIEVE we have to take it outside".

And, of course, the obligatory "But WHY?!??  Why can't he be inside (HANGING OUT WITH YOU, FREAKING YOU OUT ALL DAY) just sitting on the counter?

Why?  I did start to form an answer in my head, and started to sputter it out - it had something to do with germs, and possible escape, and whether or not it could fly, and that I thought it was staring at me - but then I stopped, and said,

"BECAUSE!  BECAUSE I SAID SO!  END OF STORY!"

They went away, muttering under their breath and dragging their feet.  Just. Like. That.  

Zen.  Why hadn't I truly realized the power of "because"?  (It probably has something to do with the fact that it reminds my of my mother, and god help me, I will not turn into my mother, even if she was right about some things. )  Well, I do now. And let me tell you, there is a new sheriff in town, mister,  and her name is SMOTY.  And apparently  she talks about herself in the third person.  Why?  Because.

**Post script:  There is currently a family size Skippy Peanut Butter jar sitting on my kitchen counter.  It contains a bunch of dirt, a few twigs (none that reach anywhere near the top, thank you very much), some fist-fulls of grass, and a beetle as long as my thumb and twice as wide.  (My heart rate goes up just typing about it)  It is covered with layers of wax paper - poked with VERY SMALL holes - secured with about 5 rubber bands.  Whatever.